Friday, April 16, 2010

I should have KNOWN not to watch that movie...after reading it's title!

NOTE: I was looking through my drafts for something just a few minutes ago, and discovered this; WRITTEN VERY EARLY THIS MORNING. I don't remember writing it! SERIOUSLY. So, it's pretty random, and it ends abruptly, but I just HAD to post it! It's too hysterical. I'm sorry if some sentences don't make any sense! ;-D

Some people have a great knowledge of Dirk Bogarde, or Vivien Leigh, or silent films, or a crazy amount of underrated 40's stars - these people are "experts".

I too am an expert. A self-acknowledged expert. (The best kind of course! ;-D) An expert on dumb, random, mind-smushingly entertaining 60's films. SERIOUSLY.

If you are looking for the hidden psychological meanings in Gidget Goes Hawaiian or seven reasons why Dr. Goldfoot and His Bikini Machine is not THE worst movie ever made...I am your girl.

I mean, I'm not joking. I really do have seven reasons why Dr. Goldfoot cannot be the worst!

Anyway, I was thinking the other day (actually just a couples hours ago, but it sounds better to pretend I thought of it a week ago and just NOW found time to write it up...instead of me sitting around at 2am thinking about it and then going and immediately writing it up), that watching stupid films could EASILY be avoided - if I only paid slight attention to the titles. I mean, seriously.

One, has got to ponder whether sound thinking is going on whenever I watch, er I mean when I watched it that one time, Dr. Goldfoot and His Bikini Machine. Because it is really, literally about Dr. Goldfoot and His Bikini Machine. Except Dr. Goldfoot is played by the awe-inspiring Vincent Price having waaay too much fun being a complete ham, but that discussion is of course is for my 7 reasons post! ;-D

Or, The Wackiest Ship in the Army. Really?! Who the heck thought of THAT title. That's not even a stinkin' American International Picture. Columbia has no excuse. But, that has Jack Lemmon and Joby Baker, so it's actually pretty cool. But still, the title leaves much to be desired. "Wackiest"?! I could have gone a little more for "Craziest", and even that would just be bad title-writing skills.

And of course there ARE all those AIP movies. AIP LOVED putting the, um, wackiest titles EVER to their films. Especially their Beach Party films. You've got everything from Beach Blanket Bingo to Muscle Beach Party to (my personal favorite title) How To Stuff a Wild Bikini. The oddest quality about AIP movies is that their titles are LITERAL; not figurative or "meaningful".

The main plotline (well sorta main, it gets a little confusing) of How to Stuff a Wild Bikini is this: Frankie's off on some south-sea island in the navy (?!). Buster Keaton is the witch doctor he hires to make sure Annette is faithful to him. Buster conjures up a "magic bikini" over on the beach, which magically makes all the beach kids together want to sing suddenly about it (John Ashley even gets a magical electric guitar, which he proceeds to not-to-convincing "play"). Of course there are about a zillion subplots, each having nothing to do with the other, but I don't want to spoil the fun! You'll have to watch it for yourself! ;-D

Of course the ENTIRE inspiration for this post was the "film" I watched tonight: Sergeant Deadhead.I should have REALLY been warned by the title. But, I simply couldn't resist (I was SUPER-bored, okay! And working on a project at the same time!) The Hulu reviews were not promising, seems nobody had actually made it all the way through; most gave up at the ten minute mark. I was ready to give it up after four and a half minutes. But, I was working so steadily on my finger puppet, I did not take the time to reach up and change it (AND I WAS REALLY BORED). I'm not quite certain what happened for the rest...I blacked out. I vaguely remember Frankie Avalon going up to space with a chimpanzee, and there suddenly being two Frankie's, and Deborah Walley being annoying, but I MAY have dreamed all this! I don't clearly remember coming back 'till the ending, when there was an advertisement to see Vincent Price in the upcoming, wait for it, Dr. Goldfoot and His Bikini Machine. (I'm seeing how many times I can get that movie title in here! ;-D).

Okay, I'm done messing with the classics of this wunderbar 60's sub-genre: films to slowly and literally lose your mind to, but are such fun as you're losing it!

No, seriously, I love my mind-smushing movies! I own the complete Gidget AND The Frankie and Annette Collection, sooo. Um. Yeah.

I don't even recall the meaning for this post, haha, so, I guess this is it! Good night! And be sure and go watch Dr. Goldfoot and His Bikini Machine. YOU'LL HAVE NO REGRETS. I assure you! ;-D



Raquelle said...

ROFLOL. I heart you. I love the fact that you don't even remember writing this. Excellent.

Mind-smushing is my new favorite term. I just watched a mind-smushing movie last night and I'm gonna keep on watching them until my mind is all smushed.

Sarah said...

You say you have the whole Frankie & Annette collection?!

HMMMMMMMMMM.......*finger tapping on chin*

Kendra said...

Haha, thanks for thinking I'm a Vivien Leigh expert, but I'm really not! Or maybe I just look like I am because I have a website about her or something. But self-acknowledged experts are the best kind, anyway, so go you!

Millie said...

Raquelle: I seriously don't. I must have been asleep. Once, I fell asleep writing an essay, and woke up an hour later with an ENTIRE ESSAY ON CHEESE. No joke. It was craziness.

Same here. My mind is quickly getting all smushed up!

Sarah: OOOOOH! You wanna borrow some?! ;-D Hehehe!

Kendra: Well, I definitely think you are! Haha, yeah, I think the website kinda gave it all away! ;-D

YAAAY! Haha!

Elizabeth said...

HYSTERICAL post! & you are the ULTIMATE expert on 1960s films! Your knowledge stuns me every day! :)

Leah said...

But I loooooove The Wackiest Ship In The Army! The title might stink, but it's a good movie! (And there's Ricky Nelson.)



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