Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I think I am currently in the Twilight Zone...or I'm just crazy. Either/or.

So, I just spent half the night watching Twilight Zone with my younger brothers. My parents were both gone tonight-- so my 21 year-old brother was in charge (which meant candy and pop flowed freely....and it was up to me to make sure the dishes were done and a FEW vegetables eaten).

Anyway, we decided to watch a Twilight Zone. We put in a disc-- and simply couldn't stop. We watched at least ten. The last full one I remember was with Richard Conte. Amazingly enough, I had never seen it before. It was about dreams and weirdness and other such Serlingness. CREEPY.

I played another, but fell asleep two minutes in. Then I woke up and my youngest brother was putting in I Love Lucy and said he was going to bed. So, a Lucy was playing (and I was rather half-asleep; and Zach was on the other couch snoring away) and my 10 year-old brother came running back saying he couldn't sleep because he knew he was going to have a bad dream (just like the Conte Twilight Zone).

This of course means I win The Big Sister of the Year Award. ;-D

I finally got him peacefully off to bed and stumbled into my room. Twitter was still open on my Laptop. The latest tweet said: "I swear the clock is skipping time. SLOW DOWN!"


There was also a tweet from Kate, saying she needed advice on something. I answered back asking what, but she was no longer awake. Then I saw a link to a new blog post she had written, titled: "The hat of my, literally."

In it, she talks about how last night she dreamt about buying the most amazing hat ever and when she woke up she couldn't get it out of her head...and then she was browsing on Etsy...and she found it.

Finally, I understood. It all fit.

I'm in the stinkin' Twilight Zone.

More than likely, Rod's outside my window talking about me...THIS VERY MOMENT.

I suddenly felt like glancing furtively around (for my close-up) and running around my room banging into things. And screaming out in desperation-- before suddenly calming down and laughing oddly and walking off in a dream-like state.

*pull out shot; que: "And Now, Mr. Serling"*

Of course, by then, I'm just an afterthought. It's time to promote next week's episode.

But, yeah, this is an odd post.

Maybe this whole post is part of the Twilight Zone too?

Well, I'm rather tired now. When I wake up in the morning, I probably won't even remember writing this.....UNLESS I WAKE UP IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Gold: How to Compile a Crazily Talented Cast and Proceed to Make One the Worst Films Ever Known to Mankind

Gold. I just don't understand this movie. TECHNICALLY speaking it had quite a lot of promise. However, SOMETHING was lost in translation (something, as in any resemblance to a half-way well-made film).

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed all the tweets-- ALL AFTERNOON LONG-- about this movie! I was definitely having fun making fun of it.

ANYWAY, this film had a cast full of brilliant actors (click to enlarge):

Roger Moore, unfortunately playing a creeper and a wanna-be antihero. But, definitely a cool creeper and wanna-be antihero. He smoked cigarettes.

Ray Milland, of course being amazing...and rather frightening...and amazing. He smoked cigars.

And the completely awesome Bradford Dillman playing a completely evil villain. He freaked out if anyone smoked anything and he was also highly germaphobic.

Also, there was Susannah York, but she drove me she doesn't get any screencaps.

Oh, and John Gielgud, but I COMPLETELY forgot about his character so he doesn't get any screencaps either. (It's a tough world out there for those wishing to be screencapped by The Millie. ;-D You must be both exceedingly cool....AND not annoying.)

The DVD I had (from my library) was horrible quality. I first "quipped" (I tell jokes to myself. It's true.) that is must have been taped off of the TV or something because of how grainy it was (the reason for the poor quality screencaps). After a little watching, I came to the conclusion it really MUST HAVE BEEN TAPED OFF OF THE TV! The language was censored! At least, I'm pretty sure it was. There were all these little "gliches" in the audio. ;-D They occurred when people said: "Why you-- *glich*"; "Shut that--*glich* thing". I was perfectly fine with that (I dislike swearing in movies anyway), but it did make me laugh!

When I started this movie I was kind of expecting an "awesomely bad" movie (I'm now quoting myself too. THIS IS PATHETIC! ;-D). My expectations increased when the credits appeared:

Backed by a song about gold and how horrible and deadly it is, at this POINT I WAS GETTING EXCITED for the awesome badness.

But it all sort of fell through, and I was left with just a bad film.

A major weakness was Susannah York. Her character was SO UTTERLY ANNOYING. Sheesh! A huge chunk of the middle was devoted to her and Roger being in love or something like that! OH MY GOSH. The second I saw them flying off in an airplane with a Velveeta level cheesy song playing in the background-- I HAD IT. I skipped right through their scenes.

NOTE: I'm sure you are all very reassured by the fact that I don't actually watch entire films before I give them scathing reviews. ;-D

And of course there was the aforementioned fact of Roger playing a complete creeper! I don't know if you are familiar with The Mary Tyler Moore Show, but Roger's character was oddly reminiscent of the creeper in MTM named Barry Barlow:

Who walks up to women saying, "Hey, I'm, uh, Barry Barlow" *takes off sunglasses*. This was SO Roger's character-- except with a British accent.

But, seriously though, poor Roger! As he was making this "film" he was trying to quite smoking, so OF COURSE, his character smoking ending up being important to the plot! The only time he got out of it was during a scene with Bradford:

Roger lights up:

Bradford FREAKS out and tells him to not smoke in his house:

Roger gives him a "what the heck do mean I can't smoke, you creep" look, while secretly thinking: "Heh heh heh, nice ad-lib Bradford! I'll remember to tell the credit people to make the lettering in your name a little larger!"

Really, this brings us to the complete awesomeness of Bradford Dillman! I adore him, but no one ever seems to know who he is! (So, I've decided to write a post just about him and his complete awesomeness! Look for that soon.) In this he is the main bad guy: cruel, heartless, and possessing a completely cool evil smile. The scenes with him-- by himself or interacting with anybody-- are the best in the movie. Well, except for the scene where Ray Milland plays bocce ball. THAT IS THE COOLEST SCENE THE MOVIE! Sorry I have no screencaps, I was completely transfixed by his bocce ball skills! ;-D

Another small part of the movie, I really loved was the handshake between Simon Sabela and Ray Milland. This movie is set in South Africa, but I guess hand-shakes are similar throughout Africa because it's the EXACT same hand-shake of Sierra Leone (I went to Sierra Leone twice last year)!

It consists of a normal shake and then twisting your hands around and then back to normal again. It's very important in Sierra Leone culture.Yeah, that's pretty much the first thing one learns in Sierra Leone, because if you don't complete the hand-shake, they will just leave their hand up......AWKWARD.

A gif of the hand-shake in the film:

Of course this brings me to Simon Sabela's character. A wonderful, courageous person. THE ONLY COMPLETELY GOOD GUY IN THE MOVIE. SPOILER ALERT! Of course they kill him off. Sheesh. END SPOILER ALERT!

Well, there's not much left for me to say about this movie, except that it's pretty much awesomeless badness....with an Elmer Bernstein score.

And really, don't be fooled by these foreign DVD covers (at least the Americans were decent enough to give it a dorky DVD cover ;-D):

Well, I guess that's it!


Saturday, June 26, 2010

THE Five Coolest Actors of the Forties:

SOME people think that coolness + film started with James Dean, Steve McQueen, and all those French guys in the 60's.


It actually started in the forties.

Well, actually, it POSSIBLY started back in silent film, but since I can count all the silent films I've seen...with my hands (don't hunt me down and torture me) and since I'm going to be talking about cool actors of the forties right now, we're just going to accept that as fact (until another post where I talk about cool actors of the thirties).


I finally decided upon the five single coolest actors of the forties; but since I didn't give this much thought, you probably shouldn't accept this as a definitive list! ;-D

Cary Grant

Cary Grant and coolness are kinda synonymous. They go together like soy sauce and tofu. THEY JUST FIT. Cary Grant is cool really just because he's Cary Grant. Of course he was cool in every decade, but the forties obviously have the coolest Cary. I was going to mention the fact that he wore polka dots and stripes at the same time, but that of course is why Cary was cool in the fifties.

Coolest Moment: His Girl Friday. He plays the most selfish, arrogant jerk. If anyone else played Walter Burns...he would seem like a selfish, arrogant jerk. When Cary played him, he seemed like the most charming guy ever. That's a talent for coolness!

Charles Boyer

I'm almost certain Charles Boyer invented accented coolness. Because he was cool...and he had an accent. He was effortlessly cool, and really he was someone who technically shouldn't have been cool at all. (Okay, this is making no sense.)

My choice for Coolest Moment is Together Again. Which, I suppose is a rather odd choice. But, he seems even cooler in comedy. Really, I'm gonna move on, because I simply CANNOT EXPLAIN BOYER'S COOLNESS. He just was.

Dana Andrews
Dana was cool in a very understated way. One doesn't even realize how much his coolness is making the film cooler. BUT, try imagining ANY Dana movie...without him. It would change everything.

Coolest Moment: Laura. Dana + the little toy + "A doll in Washington Heights once got a fox fur out of me" = Serious coolness.

Bob Hope
Bob Hope is so stinkin' cool. He could do/say the most ridiculous things and make it not only seem not abnormal, but actually awesome; like, someone you want to be. Every time he ad-libbed his way out of trouble (and usually into bigger trouble) it's impossible to look away. And DON'T EVEN THINK about putting him with another actor (besides Bing), he'll steal the whole thing.

Coolest Moment: The Ghost Breakers. No one takes down zombies as cool as Bob does. I'm not even going to debate on the subject.

Tyrone Power
There are two reasons Ty is on this list. One: To make Kate extremely angry. And Two: Because he stupendously amazingly cool. HE'S STINKIN' ZORRO. I mean, REALLY.

Coolest Moment: A Yank In the RAF. This isn't my most favorite Ty film, but I do think it's probably his coolest. It's at his most charming, swaggering, and pre-fighting in WWII best. The fact that he spends most of the movie being a cowardly jerk doesn't really matter THAT much. The coolicity (I'm running out of ways to describe "cool") he gives his character is what makes him a sympathetic character (also his extreme gorgeousness! ;-D).

Well, here they are: The five coolest actors of the forties. I started this post, with brilliance in mind, but soon I drifted away and started taunting Kate with Ty photos on Tumblr and labeling the links with Oskar she kept clicking on them (MWAAHAHAHAHA!). This is the reason why the post is sadly lacking in brilliance and rather disjointed. Please excuse this, it was for a good cause! ;-D

These are my choices for the five coolest actors of the forties! Who's on your list?


Thursday, June 24, 2010

Sarah is awesomeness personified. Go read her blog post. SERIOUSLY. Right now.

Sarah of Cinema Splendor is just completely hilarious! REALLY! Probably one of THE most hilarious bloggers ever!

She took a break from blogging for a while (darn Tumblr! ;-D), but now she's back! She's working on a "Shelf Project" and watching EVERY single movie she owns alphabetically, which is a completely cool idea that I am actually going to steal (seriously!).

Her latest post from a few days ago about West Side Story is so completely hysterical I was laughing out loud. I thought of it as an instant blog post classic. (And I stinkin' hate WSS!)

Unfortunately, nobody else is reading/commenting.

This simply will NOT DO!

I've been dropping not so subtle hints on Twitter about how everyone needs to go read it immediately, but nobody is doing anything (actually, I think most of my Twitter followers try to block me out from their memory...hehe...I tweet random stuff 98% of the time). And, I'm not even doing this to help Sarah or something like that! (She's sadly at least 6 times cooler than I'll ever be.) I'm doing this for you guys! YOU WILL REGRET NOT READING THE POST! And no comments may even drive Sarah away from blogging! ;-D

So, if you are in the mood for brilliant hilarity:

Bernardo muerto?! OH THE HORROR

Also, as I mentioned above, I am totally stealing the Shelf Project idea! I think that means I'll start with Annie Get Your Gun...I'll have to check. You should totally join me for that! I'll love it!

Also, I'm sorry about the lack of Photo's of the Day! If you're feeling courageous you can venture over to my Tumblr (where I'm about 300 times crazier) because I post photos and such there all day long!

That's all!

Enjoy your day! :-D


Friday, June 11, 2010

Prententious Movie Reviews....From an 11 Year-old. HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT I WAS A DORKY 11 YEAR-OLD!

The other day, I randomly discovered a notebook FULL of mini-movie reviews (the precursor to the semi-review) I had written when I was 11.

They are to say the least...slightly awe-inspiring.

They are THE most hilariously pretentious and misspelled amazingness EVER!

I must explain. Around the age of ten or eleven is when I really started to read books about classic film. And let me tell you, pretty much every stinkin' old movie book in my library was published in 1982 and believes that IT is the ultimate in film knowledge. All the authors like the same movies and just pretend they are writing a new and definitive view on it.

So, from this I learned that in order to write a proper movie review I needed to sound exactly like them.

.......And, I was kinda just an odd child.

But, you know. We'll just blame the books.

Here are a couple of my favorites (all grammar and misspellings are kept intact):

How To Steal A Million

[Five Stars!]

"Not a bad actor in the bunch! So clev-- witty! ["clever" was crossed-out, because obviously "witty" is a much more intelligent sounding adjective] A very excellent example of the bridge between very well-done movies and light hearted romantic comedys! Loved all the Good, Strong charectors!"

An American In Paris

[Three Stars!]

"Good Color! [I think I was talking about the quality of the film or something clever like that.] Disjointed plot! Rather long dances! Good-- Fair acting! ["Good" was crossed-out.] Loved Leslie!"

Strangers On A Train

[Five Stars!]

"Great! Great video (angles, ect.), Loved the good solid acting, good charecters, Excellent story, overall a marvoleous Picture, Pat was great!"

Libled Lady

[Four Stars!]

"Good fun movie. Good strong charecters! Loved William, Myrna, and Jean! Spencer was NOT my favorite! But he usally isn't."

The Women

[Five Stars!]

"Good, witty lines! Restoration good! <--(color/B/W) Charectors very good & beautiful! Norma Shearer was especially good! I really hated Joan (she wanted me to.)" Laura

[Five Stars!]

"Very well made! Music haunting! Filming tequniches equally amazing! Dana, Gene, and Clifton especially standout. Most of all Dana."


Dial M For Murder

[Five Stars!]

"Excellent! Great performances by all! Set, costumes, directing, everything Superb! I guess it is a Hitch though!"

What I learned most from reading my reviews:

Good, strong characters are where a film is made or broken!

And don't you forget that!


Thursday, June 3, 2010

"I can't take quiet desperation!"

The Lost Weekend. Wow. I love this movie so much, it's hard to even explain.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Although, this review, appeared to start off on the right soon took a turn for the worse!

My three favorite film genres are Screwball Comedies, Musicals, and Hitchcock's-- yet this is one very-much-a-drama, that I completely adore.

I try to watch it only once or twice a year, so the crazy-amazingness of it is never lost (actually it takes me that much time to recover from the film! ;-D).

I watched it again tonight with my mum and dad; neither had seen it before. I've been trying to get my mother to see it FOREVER, but she had some idea that it was a depressing movie or something....WHATEVER GAVE HER THAT THOUGHT?! SHEESH! ;-D I had to assure her that it ended happy ("hopeful" were my exact words). My dad came down as we were starting it and proclaimed, "Oh, I love this guy!", and sat down on the couch. This perplexes me quite a bit! I have never seen/heard of my dad watching a film or TV show with Ray Milland in it. NEVER. Of course he can recount whole plots of Emergency episodes that he hasn't seen since the early 70's, so perhaps my dad was an Milland fan back then?! (Hilarious side story that is slightly relevant because of the Magnificent Mr. Milland: My mom and her friend sneaked into Love Story when it was first released, because they were too young to see it. Personally, *I* refuse to see the movie--Magnificent Mr. Milland or not!)

My goodness, I'm starting to feel like Don Birnam, himself! I started out to write a proper and well-written review with limited ALL-CAPS words and --> ;-D! The first line was looking so good and intriguing too! Sheesh! <-- I need to cut down on my use of this word as well!

Well, I really do love this movie. It is bleak, and horrible, and nearly-sickening and utterly brilliant! And every review I see of people proclaiming the crazy-amazingness of Ray Milland's performance makes me feel personally congratulated ;-D. See, the Magnificent Mr. Milland has been my absolute favorite actor (tied with a couple others), ever since I saw him in Three Smart Girls. For me, films like The Lost Weekend, Dial M For Murder, and The Major and the Minor....were just extra brilliance! I mean, HE'S GOT A WELSH ACCENT.

I normally find very little to tolerate about Jane Wyman. Even in films like Stage Fright (a brilliant and underrated Hitchcock), which I love, I find her rather annoying. But, in TLW, she is so utterly perfect! She really deserved a Supporting Actress nod for this one! Especially, when they were nominating actresses left and right for THAT Mildred Pierce! ;-D (Someone on a movie message boards, had the gall to call TLW "ridiculous" and "melodramatic" and then suggested that MP should have won Best Picture INSTEAD! I still haven't decided if they were attempting irony!)

Random awesome fact: Much of the filming was done on location in NYC! They used hidden cameras to film the Magnificent Mr. Milland walking down the street and such. But they had to take many takes, because people kept coming up to ask for his autograph. The fans were apparently unperturbed to see him stumbling barefoot down the street in Bellevue Hospital pajamas. But, hey, HE'S GOT A WELSH ACCENT.

Okay, I'm going to wrap this up now! I'm really very disappointed in myself! I had genuinely sincere reactions to the film, that I wanted to write up............................SHEESH!


3 things:

1. The title quote has nothing to do with the review (at least NOT how the review turned out). I just wanted to sound cool.

2. Something happens to me now and then when I write late-night reviews! I start talking oddly and using words like: "unperturbed" (pretty sure, I'll NEVER be able to pronounce that), "perplexes", "recount", and "sincere". THIS IS NOT NORMAL!

3. Please do take note of the fact that the word "anyway"/ "anyways" is nowhere to be found in here! The Lost Weekend inspired me to conquer my own personal demon. ;-D


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