Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween Films For Those Who Are Paranoid of Fear.

Like me.

Sir Alfred may be my favorite director ever. Twilight Zone may be one of my utter favorite TV shows ever. And I may think that Vincent Price + Horror Movies is the greatest combination since Tofu + Soy Sauce. BUT. I am unfortunately and regrettably easily and utterly frightened of anything even near to being a "scary movie".

What do those of us paranoid of fear do?! Well, we watch all things remotely frightening with at least 1-2 other persons and with a pillow in front of our faces for approximately 78% of the film. It works.

Or we watch pseudo-scary movies and pretend we are brave when really we're not.

Enter the brilliance of Bob Hope. 

Now, for our Halloween selection we have two Hope films.

 The Ghost Breakers is one of my favorite movies ever. It's hilarious, has great actors, AND awesome pseudo-scariness. You should probably go watch it.

The Cat and The Canary. Also Bob and Paulette Goddard. Also brilliant. 


And, while you're at it, you might as well watch the 1970's remake. Not as brilliant or hilarious. BUT, you do have Honor Blackman, Michael Callan, Peter McEnery, Wendy Hiller, and Wilfrid Hyde-White, sooo. Yeah. Warning: This is not pseudo-frightening. Murder + long fingernails are involved.

Moving right along, we come to the awesomest movie ever set on Halloween. 

Arsenic and Old Lace holds my heart. Everything about this movie. Peter Lorre is obviously the coolest one, but Cary Grant is a very close second. Followed behind by Teddy and the Aunts...and of course Boris Karloff (;-D). Now, if I were writing a play, I would DEFINITELY have the dead body be in the window seat. JUST SAYIN'.

 Next, on our list of pseudo-scariness is something which is really not pseudoly frightening. But, which those of us who are paranoid of fear MUST pretend to find entirely unfrightening. This would be films involving Vincent Price. We must laugh at the "silly plots" and the "outdated effects" and dreadful "overacting" while not making visible ANY of our terror. Or the fact that Vincent Price has the coolest voice ever and is entirely too believable and frightening to be laughed at. (After watching House on Haunted Hill it is not recommended that you go around making sure all the doors are locked. This will show your true fear. Of course, when everyone is gone-- THEN YOU BETTER GO LOCK ALL YOUR DOORS.)

Um, well, Rod Serling is here because Niamhy (the Irish Leprechaun) decided that he deserves an award for his voice. Here it is. Congrats Mr. Serling.

P.S. Be sure and check out the Irish Leprechaun's Halloween Movie series!

P.P.S. Don't watch Mr. Serling's Night Gallery. IT IS SERIOUSLY FRIGHTENING. 

Next up are a couple of TRULY frightening films, both with awesome lead actors, and the awesome Gail Russell. Okay, The Unseen is the only one that actually deserves to be on this list. PERFECT for fear paranoia. The Uninvited-- not so much. Even the mention of Mimosa makes me break into a cold sweat. But, I hate to break them up (and the above list is looking a little pathetic...I need to fill it up a little! ;-D).

Well, I don't know what else to say! Have an awesome day! And try to steer clear of elderberry- wine-bearing old ladies. (I've already had to detour around three today, personally.)

 (Okay, I actually don't celebrate Halloween, but these suggestions are still perfect for the easily frightened. So yeah. Okay, I'm gonna leave now! ;-D)

Happy Reformation Day! -Millie


Mercurie said...

I do have to say there are some Vincent Price films those paranoid of fear should avoid--most of the films he did with American International Pictures (including the two Dr. Phibes movies), as well as Theatre of Blood! On the other hand, The Tingler would probably be perfectly acceptable!

Millie said...

Haha! Actually, Terry, I'd recommend that ALL of Vincent's should be avoided by those paranoid of fear! Except not, because they're awesome.

I was sorta making fun of the people who make fun of the "dumbness" of old horror films. WHEN THEY ARE ACTUALLY CRAZY-AMAZING/FRIGHTENING!

Or maybe that's just me. ;-D

Anonymous said...

I don't even think I'd want to watch any of these -- except I have seen Arsenic and Old Lace and naturally, I love it. That's the closest to horror that I get.

Yikes, I wished everyone a "Happy Reformation Day" on Twitter, as I also do not celebrate Halloween. Now that's CREEPY!

Niamhy said...

Yay! Rod Serling got his award! And I'm also quite excited that I'm now credited as The Irish Leprechaun. I could get used to that name!

I really want to watch The Cat And The Canary now...hmm...I'm going to wait and watch it with my mother/father/brother (delete as appropriate). We ended up just watching Psycho last night...and then watching Cinema's Scariest Moments. And because of those scariest moments I couldn't go upstairs alone. Ha.

And I have another person who must get an award for his voice-VINCENT PRICE!

Raquelle said...

I'm paranoid of fear too. I can't take scary movies at all. So not-so-scary but still thrilling movies are the way to go. I love Arsenic and Old Lace!

Audrey said...

Hi, Millie. This is a cool list as I am the kind of person that gets scared at the mention of a horror movie. I think I would like the Bob Hope ones, though, and of course I've seen Arsenic and Old Lace. And maybe someday if I'm feeling really brave, I'll check out the Unseen and the Uninvited. I'm with Raquelle, though--I love a good thriller.

I don't celebrate Halloween much either (well, the pumpkins and candy but not witches and skeletons/ghosts/devils/other gross stuff). I'm Catholic so we celebrate All Saints Day (but definitely not Reformation Day. LOL). That's interesting though because I'd never heard of that before.

P.S. Just an idea for the comment box--I've used Disqus before as a comment platform and have next to no trouble with spammers. Just an idea.

Elisabeth said...

I've never celebrated Halloween either, but I loved Arsenic and Old Lace. My parents didn't, quite as much. :) But we sometimes get in a reference to 'going down to Panama' when we go down to the cellar, and every once in a while someone will say "Charge!" while going up. I think possibly the funniest non-Teddy moment was when Mortimer and Jonathan both rushed across the room to sit on the window-seat at the same time.


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