Friday, August 26, 2011

No, of course I don't watch movies just because an obscure actor I like is in it for three minutes. WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!

Okay. I'm sorry. I can't help it. When you're madly in love with various actors that APPARENTLY NO ONE ELSE APPRECIATES, very often you find yourself watching low-budget, over-the-top '60s movies to catch a glimpse of unheralded genius.

Looking back at just this month, I noticed quite a few of these instances:

Sherry Jackson  

The Monitors -- which I slightly fell asleep in, but am totally still gonna finish.

Peter Brown

I totally watched Kitten With a Whip for him. Not gonna lie -- it was an awesome movie. LOOK AT HIS HAT. He played a punk gangster teenager who majored in philosophy and minored in political science. As he was beating people up, he often said things like: "Cool it, creep and co-exist!"

Gardner McKay

Okay, I actually may have told Casey (who lent it to me) that I wanted The Pleasure Seekers for Gene Tierney (and I totally did and her one scene was stinkin AWESOME), but I really just wanted it for Gardner McKay. The fact that Carol Lynley was in love with BRIAN KEITH instead of Gardner....was rather confusing. In fact, I sent a text to Kate at 3:08 AM that read, and I quote, "Ewwww. This girl is in love with Brian Keith instead of Gardner. Let me repeat that: BRIAN KEITH. O_O"

You know what's even more odd? Kate actually responded. I'm always sending Kate nonsensical movie texts at all hours -- AND SHE RESPONDS!

Brett Halsey.

This is what I watched last night. Girl In Lover's Lane. Clearly the worst film ever made. Clearly awesome.

Martin Milner  

MARJORIE MORNINGSTAR. After I watched the movie, I did my customary IMDb checks. And I realized that apparently it's a sad ending (that every female who has ever viewed it has cried profusely during) because Gene Kelly and Natalie Wood's characters were a part of some epic love story or something. I didn't even realize it. All I saw were Martin Milner and his awesome glasses.

And we're not even gonna TALK about the weird movies I watch for Hayley Mills. Like The Sinking Aunt.

There are actually dozens of other random, obscure actors I will watch anything for (Bradford Dillman, I'm looking at you!); these were just a few examples from the past month.

And, of course, dozens of well-known actors too (I am nothing, if not always an obsessive fan). But, I always find it the MOST fun to carefully track down awesome, obscure actors' films (search YouTube, Netflix, random Russian sites, and then when I find nothing -- go ask Kate or Casey if they have it! ;-D). You watch these (often horribly WOWZIE KAZAM) movies, and you realize, you're probably only the 38th person to ever actually view this. That's an awesome feeling. You're no longer an idiot for watching junky '60s movies that were made for less than $50 -- YOU'RE A HERO. You're persevering through junky '60s movies that were made for less than $50, so that no one forgets Michael Callan's comedic genius.

This is the ultimate goal of students of Mind-Smushing Entertainment: to find genius in fifth-rate Beach Party knock-offs.

I have nothing more to say. I leave you with this:

{Yes, I once watched an episode of Twilight Zone (which is actually high-quality, ESPECIALLY compared to the rest of the stuff here) for the sole reason of seeing Sue Randall wearing awesome glasses.

That's a valid reason.}



kate gabrielle said...

a) Best post EVERRRRRR

b) "Cool it, creep and co-exist!" is now my tagline (well, it's sharing tagline honors with "It's a right brain thing!")

c) Brett Halsey. oooh!

d) THE SINKING AUNT. ahhhhhhhhhhh

e) Gene Kelly and Natalie Wood? For some reason I'm picturing her as being way way way way way younger than him and that just seems creepy????

f) You can just post that photo of Gardner McKay in every single post now. It doesn't matter if it's relevant. Post about a Frankie and Annette movie? Gardner McKay smoking at the top of the post. Post about Ray Milland's awesomeness in The Lost Weekend? Photo of Gardner McKay smoking at the top. I'm serious.

g) Longest comment ever and for some reason I felt it necessary to break it up into lettered bullets (or whatever this is called??) Sorry! haha!

Millie said...

a) THANK YOU! I had a little too much fun writing it.

b) IS IT NOT THE MOST BRILLIANT THING EVER?! I want to use it in life constantly now.

c) That's a weird picture too. He's more more awesome in actual movies. haha

d) That's clearly the official title in our brain now! ;-D

e) IT WAS SO CREEPY. I COULD NOT EVEN HANDLE IT. He was supposed to be like 35 (HAR HAR!) and she like 21. THAT'S CREEPY. But, it was even more creepy. And he didn't have cool geek glasses.

f) Um. I may or may not have actually done this post for that sole reason (I actually DID have a shot from TPS I could have used, but chose this instead). heh heh heh. Your wish is my command, my dear Kate.


I have no idea what they're called. But, it's really a clever way for me to respond and for us to actually understand what we are saying to each other! ;-D

Anonymous said...

Because I want to continue the fun (and because I'm a complete copycat)...

a) I have actually considered watching that Peter Brown movie. In spite of Ann-Margret. I canna stand her!

b) Gardner McKay is my new obsession, thanks to you, Millie. And the lack of his presence is a constant frustration.

c) I like this whole thing about how we're actually fulfilling a much needed function in society by watching 60's films made for less than $50.

d) Speaking of films made for less than $50, Palm Springs Weekend keeps presenting itself before me. Soon I shall feel obliged to watch it, JUST FOR STEFANIE.

e) Have you ever had anyone else who actually wanted to join you in studying Mind-Smushing Entertainment?

Irene Palfy said...

just a little (Well, maybe not THAT little..) Yay! for Martin Milner.. ;")

Great post!! Glad that there are more people out there watching films for min-minor-parts..

Have a great weekend, Millie!

StanwyckFan said...

A) L-O-V-E your blog.
B) L-O-V-E this post in particular.
C) I am now jealous of your all-hour-movie-texts-responding friend - I need to talk to Santa about getting me one of them. ;) hehe.
D) I like this letter bullets idea... :)


Niamhy said...

I just wanted to say that all the people you watched the movies for because they were wearing 'awesome glasses'...ARE ALL WEARING MY GLASSES! This obviously means I'm beyond cool. ;-P

Irene Palfy said...

Hey, Millie!

Your blog just called for it: I nominated it for an award - find out more here:

Anyway - have a great weekend! And I am anxious for all the post you're about to write! Your blog is just great!

Perfect Number 6 said...

I don't do that either... hah! I can absolutely identify with this post. I watched "Francis In the Navy" about a talking donkey, just to see a glimpse of a very young Clint Eastwood (ok,so he's not that obscure... but still!)

Gardner McKay looks quite beautiful! ::runs off to google him::

Mercurie said...

I have to confess I have watched movies only because Carol Lynley was in them. And the same holds true for Sherry Jackson. And I am probably the only person who watches Beach Blanket Bingo for Donna Loren instead of Frankie and Annette.


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