Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Desert Sands (1955) and um a bunch of other movies that kinda star the same person

The Millie needs help. I'm dying over here.

Since we last spoke, I've watched four more Ralph Meeker films. THAT'S A PROBLEM. (Honestly, I've also been extremely and shockingly productive at life since we last spoke, so that's actually good.)

I clearly have a scarily addictive and obsessive nature, which means there are two things to be glad of in this situation. One, I have never taken drugs. And two, I am stalking a dead person instead of one who can call the police on me.

Anyway, the four films in question are The Fuzzy Pink Nightgown (1957), Jeopardy (1953), Something Wild (1961), and the aforementioned Desert Sands.

There were all interesting in there way, I suppose. TFPN was perfectly lovely because it was Jane Russell + Ralph Meeker + Keenan Wynn (Seriously, I was so excited when I saw he was in it. He is one of my favorites). It was cool because Jane often gets stuck with such BORING actors, it was nice to see her playing with a couple of actors who don't cause one to fall asleep half-way through their first line.

Then came Jeopardy. This was staunchly recommended to me by the lovely author of Sidewalk Crossings -- and because she is the true expert on everything Ralph Meeker {her first words after I mentioned on the blog that I saw Kiss Me Deadly: "Ooohhhhhh!!!! Wasn't it awesome? Isn't he amazing? And he's mine, all mine! mwah-hah-hah!"}, I, of course, promptly found it on YouTube.

Brilliant. I adore The Stanwyck more than almost anyone else (including some of my relatives), and in this she was of course awesome. Although, REALLY, Barry Sullivan? Kate understands. Barry Sullivan is so boring -- it's DREADFUL. This movie was actually the most animated I've ever seen him and he was trapped under a log the whole time. 

Honestly, I know that Mr. Meeker was evil and all -- but I was still kinda hoping that Barry and THAT SERIOUSLY ANNOYING CHILD OF HIS would both, um, "accidentally" not get saved.


Next was Something Wild, but I took no screenshots. It was not a screenshot taking kind of movie. I mean, it was brilliantly done -- but also extremely disturbing. I shall probably not be viewing it again.

Finally, I just finished Desert Sands. And that is mainly what I intended to write about, BECAUSE THIS MOVIE IS HILARIOUSLY AWFUL. And when I say hilariously awful, I mean it. I was chortling maniacally out loud by the ten-minute mark. 

^This isn't the ten-minute mark, nor is it something to chortle at. I actually don't know why I'm posting this.

And the chortling and cackling only got louder and louder as the film progressed.

Seriously. The movie was terrible.

John Carradine played an evil Arab who sounded...well, EXACTLY, like John Carradine.

And then there was a battle and the battle was over in three minutes. But, not before Ralph got shell-shocked unconscious.

And well there was the "exotic" sister of the evil chief and she was hell-bent on killing EVERYONE...personally. And then she got a glimpse of Ralph Meeker...

 ^Legitimately the first glimpse. She sort of "fell" off her horse or something.

...one thing led to another, and by the end of the movie she had betrayed her entire people, allowed many of her loyal followers to be killed, and was personally responsible for the death of her uncle and the older brother who had raised her.

^This is her being led away with like the five remaining members of her tribe. Note that her brother and uncle had both been killed within the hour and that all around her are the gruesomely dead bodies of her tribe members. She is smiling at Ralph Meeker.

In the end, I'm not sure if we were supposed to think that Americans/white people in general are superior to everyone else or that Ralph Meeker has a super-power -- and it's his face.

I'm kinda thinking it's the latter.

^This is Mr. Meeker smiling back at the girl as she was being led away, no doubt chortling to himself.

I actually think my favorite part of the movie was the immensely shocked expression on the face of the evil chief when his brilliant idea to leave all of his horses and all the French Foreign Legion prisoners unattended in shed backfired when they, um, rode the horses out of the shed. (I didn't screencap it because you really need to see it for yourself.)

Anyway, thus ends the third day of Meeker obsession.

Don't worry though, I shant be focusing solely on him. You don't need to run from my blog in droves. Coming up is a Hitchcock project that I'm really excited about (I missed his birthday because I was camping. It was a tragedy), a DVD giveaway (what?! yes.), and the rest of my 19 favorite '60s TV characters (that is one series that I am actually going to finish).



Anonymous said...

Woah. This is awful because now I want to watch Ralph Meeker. My library's copy of Kiss Me Deadly is even awesomer than yours...and it comes with all this supplemental stuff about the symbolism that I'll undoubtly miss in the actual film. (Criterion Collection editions are so intimidating and snobbish.)

I promise, I'll watch Jeopardy too. I mean, STANWYCK!

Seriously, I'm having too much fun reading your blog lately. This much is clear.


DKoren said...

Hee! You are cracking me up, because I made my sister watch "Desert Sands" with me the first time I saw it (see, she only knew Ralph Meeker from The Dirty Dozen, and I kept trying to explain how hot he was when he was younger and she didn't get it and so that situation had to be remedied...). And we laughed and laughed at how terrible the movie was (and how good Ralph Meeker looked), but yeah, it is so ridiculously awful. So true.

Yay for seeing Jeopardy! I mean... yeah. Brilliant, and Barbara Stanwyck is awesome too. Hee.

Hamlette said...

I've survived a couple years now of DKoren obsessing over RM, including about six months where he somehow brainwashed her into actually forgetting Dana Andrews existed. I'll stick with you through this too.

And now I'm looking forward to 9pm when the kids will be abed and I can watch Jeopardy :-)

BTW, would it be okay if I wrote a blog post about your blog?

Millie said...

Emm: Ooooh, I do love a Criterion disc!

I think the main symbolism meant to be taken -- IS THAT RALPH MEEKER BEATS UP EVERYONE.

Jeopardy is necessary viewing.

Well, I've been having too much fun writing it! ;-D

Deb: Hahahahaha. I know, it's just completely and hysterically bad. And, I watch a lot of bad films too.

THANK YOU FOR RECOMMENDING JEOPARDY. It shall always be a part of my life now! ;-DDD

Hamlette: Oh, thank you! But, don't worry. I shant forget Dana! I'm married to him after all. haha

YAY! Let us know what you think!

Oh, of course that's fine. Might want to write it soon before this blog goes over the edge of insanity and never comes back! ;-DD

DKoren said...

Dana who?


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