Sunday, February 24, 2013

Oscar Debriefing: The Year of Dujardin! right?



So, I watched the Oscars. All the way through, for the first time ever.

I had an Oscars party.

The truth though: I planned an Oscars party just so I could watch the Oscars without looking like a dork and being pathetic and watching by myself. So, I actually had to invite a bunch of people over. And the reason why I HAD to watch the Oscars?

Jean Dujardin was going to be there.

I'm not even joking. I was fully prepared to watch five hours of nonsense for two minutes of Dujardinness.

(This is not a cry for help from a crazy person.)

So, I carefully selected a random group of friends. There were five of us of females, aged 18-25. We had both root beer and cherry vanilla creme Blue Sky. There was a cheese and cracker platter, a veggie tray, cupcakes, licorice, popcorn, and a pizza. All the classy stuff.

Each of us had varying degrees of enthusiasm, ranging from not caring to not knowing what was going on.

I was the most invested -- I have seen a grand total of two of the Best Picture nominees (Les Miserables and Beasts of the Southern Wild)! (Also, random side-note: I guessed all but like two of the winners correctly. This is my talent for multiple-choice guessing: the only reason I didn't completely fail the math sections of the ACT/SAT.)

Anyway, I think I shall just list some things that were good and terrible about the 2013 Oscars:

HORRRRRIBLE HOST. He started off horribly. And ended horribly. And was horrible in the middle. He actually managed to make an offensive remark to every possible person.

I mean, five minutes in, and suddenly there was a Jean sighting -- BUT IT WAS BECAUSE OF TERRIBLY INSULTING REMARK. *hatred begins to boil*

And then that extremely awful/awkward/sexist song that wouldn't end. As a group of females aged 18-25, we just looked horrified at each other and tried to zone it out and pretend it wasn't happening.

And then he immediately launched into a classy song -- which was danced to by an actor I hate and Charlize Theron (with awesome hair). I can't.

CALMING DOWN.

And then there was a that Bond tribute. Incredibly boring. And no Roger Moore. I was promised Roger Moore (not actually; but out of all, he was the most likely to show up). WHERE WAS MY STINKIN' SIMON TEMPLAR (I've never actually seen him as Bond). I know you tried to give me Christopher Plummer as the classy, awesome, funny, older gentleman replacement (and he was gold), but I will not be appeased. (Also, did anyone else think it was hilarious that there was an extended Sound of Music joke, when CP rather HATES that movie.)

The lack of Sir Roger Moore was highly disappointing. BUT, THEN.

There was Dame Shirley Bassey being an absolute goddess. SHE IS SO PERFECT. I don't even know what quite to say, except that she is DAME SHIRLEY BASSEY.



And there was also Adele being mesmerizing.


Honestly. Who is she? I can listen to her and stare at her for hours.

(This is not a cry for help from a crazy person.)

And the Les Miserables tribute?

My singing-I-Dreamed-A-Dream-at-inappropriate-moments friend and I were in an actual spasm.

ALSO, WHY DID THEY NOT HAVE GAVROCHE COMING RUNNING OUT AT THE END TO SCREAM "VIVE LA FRANCE!"

 Still. It was perfect.

I especially loved the fact that Helena Bonham Carter showed up dressed in costume (aka as herself) and actually looked like she didn't care. And I'm pretty sure they didn't give her a mic.

Also, speaking of people not caring. 

I love the fact that Liam Neeson gave zero effort in presenting his award, yet was still fascinating.

And the look on Joaquin Phoenix's (just spelled that without even googling it!) face when his name was announced as a nominee: A+

Obviously, though, the greatest moment of the night was Jean Dujarding presenting an Oscar.


He spoke French, he spoke English. He probably did other stuff too, but I fell into a dead faint and missed it.



The above video has been deleted, so watch it here instead!

Please can we just have Jean Dujardin pronounce everyone's name forever.

"If I were an actress, I'd be an even better actor." *no longer able to breathe. send oxygen*

Also, Jennifer Lawrence was literally the only person I didn't want to win in the entire awards show. Ugh. And the she "fell" on the stairs and who came running to help her up? JEAN DUJARDIN AND HUGH JACKMAN. WHAT EVEN IS THAT? HOW IS THAT FAIR OR ACCEPTABLE?

 
What nonsense.


Bonus awesomeness:

Quvenzhane Wallis (I did have to google to spell this name) is adorable and perfect. And I love her.


So, yeah. There is a complete recap of the Oscars. I cannot think of anything I missed talking about. Except there should have been more Jean. Also, JEAN AT THE OSCARS EVERY YEAR OR I WILL GO BACK TO NOT WATCHING.



-Millie

P.S.

JEAN OF THE GARDEN AND UGGIE. DON'T YOU REMEMBERRRRRRRRRRR...oh sorry...in an Adele mood.




P.P.S. Someday, you will win many Oscars, Amy. I BELIEVE IN YOU!


Reminder: sources for photos/gifs can be found by clicking on them!

4 comments:

Hamlette said...

I would fall down an entire flight of stairs, on live TV, if it meant that Hugh Jackman would come help me back up.

(This is not a cry for help from a crazy person. Unless it's Hugh Jackman offering to help, cuz then it is definitely a cry for help.)

Sarah said...

This is the best Oscar summary I think I will ever see. McFarlane was literally the WORST host ever. Oh my gracious. THE BOOB SONG OMg me and my roommate were absolutely CRINGING the whole time. Also Shirley Bassey is such a diva.

And I was really somewhat offended? when said host made the DuJardin stab. Like...

Anyway. You've inspired me to do my own post. AS USUAL. ;D

Laura said...

Ick, Seth MacFarlane, why? He's the reason I didn't watch the Oscars the whole way this year, though I did come in toward the end to see my boyfriend Daniel win his third trophy, charmingly.

Jean Dujardin is, yes, very, very handsome. Very. So, inexplicably, was George Clooney's beard.

Quvenzhane Wallis's arm pump when her nomination was announced was the night's crowning moment.

Millie said...

Hamlette: I'm actually going to test this out, just to see if Jean and Hugh magically appear. heh heh heh

Sarah: Ugh. IT WAS JUST DISGRACEFUL/AWKWARD. haha

Insulting John of the garden will NOT be tolerated.

Love it! :-D

Laura: Well, I can't get agree with anything good about Clooney -- simply on principle (haha), but Jean was perfect. ;-D

So true! I loved it!

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