Monday, August 12, 2013

Real Talk with The Millie: Just Say No to Psychopaths

Okay, females of basically the same age as me: we need to have a chat about not falling in love with psychopaths.

Everyone else: you may not think this is a serious, wide-spread problem -- but it totally is.

As we speak, females of basically the same age as me are falling in love with dangerously crazy and/or evil fictional characters.

This issue has been on my mind for some time, but it was brought to the forefront tonight as I was watching a clip from The Phantom of the Opera (the "dreaded" 2004 version) on YouTube (don't ask me how I got there; I couldn't possibly tell you -- YouTube sucked me into its endless, mind-smushing evilness). Basically every comment was a variation on the theme of hating Raoul and loving the Phantom and thinking that Christine was an idiot to choose the former over the latter. These comments ranged from "GERARD IS HOT!!!!!" to lengthy, eloquent treatises on The Phantom's "beautiful love for Christine."

Now, I am perfectly willing to admit that my emotional connection to Christine + Raoul in any given production usually depends on the attractiveness of the Raoul, but I also understand that the Phantom is a psychopathic stalker serial killer. Yes, the Phantom had a horrific life. And yes, he twirls his cape brilliantly -- but he's also a psychopathic stalker serial killer.

The key here is to be more like me: shallow, but not delusional. 

The real problem is the rationalization. You cannot rationalize killing innocent people by saying that he didn't start doing it until after Christine annoyed him (direct paraphrase). This kind of rationalization leads to bigger problems in life.

Example: my good friend and David Tennant movie watching pal, Grace. She loves every attractive, evil character ever created. It's not a joke. If she's watching something and there is an evil guy -- she will love him.

We spent a weekend watching BBC Robin Hood a couple of years ago and she was so infatuated with Guy of Gisbourne that she tried to pretend he was "misunderstood" (spoiler alert: Guy leaves his own child to die in the woods, angrily kills his "one true love," etc, etc end spoiler alert).

Oh, the things she tried to rationalize.

I mean, yeah, that's Richard Armitage -- that makes sense. IT'S RICHARD ARMITAGE.

But, no. She loves every evil character ever (too many to name).

My concern for her is real. I have developed a checklist for her new relationships (although, I keep forgetting to give it to her; which rather defeats the purpose).

The top question: Is he a serial killer? Circle one: Yes    No

You wouldn't laugh, if you knew the seriousness of this dilemma.

And, it's not just Grace who has been afflicted. No, this is an epidemic.

It starts with thinking that the Phantom is adorable and ends with everything getting all Bonnie and Clyded up.

SO, FEMALES OF BASICALLY THE SAME AGE AS ME: STOP FALLING IN LOVE WITH FICTIONAL PSYCHOPATHS. You don't want to end up in a bullet-riddled car in the 1930s, do you?! (Dressed very stylishly though, I must admit.)

Repeat to yourself: shallow, but not delusional.

I feel better now, having been able to impart some of my wisdom to others!

Have a lovely evening.

P.S. Your ability to take this post seriously will directly hinge on your ability to forget that every other post in this blog is in celebration of evil, deranged, "morally unstable" characters. Forget about my love for evil smiles and dastardly quips. Forget about The Phantom Asthmatic. Forget about Bradford Dillman, Ralph Meeker, and Uncle Charlie. Forget all these things and think only of the great wisdom I share.

Okay, thanks, bye.


Emmy said...

Okay, so I'm not forgetting the Bradford blogathons or your love for Hitchcock villains (I share these loves, so how could I forget? AUGH, RICHARD TODD IN STAGE FRIGHT! I LOVE HIMMMM) but I believe there is an element of seriousness here.

New Year's resolution (in August): Shallow, but not delusional.

Ironically, this reminds me of, "Cool it creep, and coexist!"

In other news, I've never seen The Phantom of the Opera. WHO KNEW HE ACTUALLY KILLED PEOPLE? My dear mum omitted that little aspect when explaining the story to me as a ten year old in a doctor's office. Maybe this is why I feel that I'm less afflicted with FSKAS (Fictional Serial Killer Adoration Syndrome) than the average female.

Millie said...

SHHHHHH! FORGET ALL YOU'VE SEEN! (Singing Phantom songs now. This is bad.)

It does have a similar ring to it. *cough cough spoken by a really cool bad guy cough cough*

Yeah. He kills people whenever he wants to make a point or to get Christine's attention: aka all the time.

kate gabrielle said...

hahaha I love this post. And I have no idea why this particular image popped in my head, but I'm picturing all of the deranged mothers standing in line for hours to see Twilight because they had the hots for the teenage vampires. Methinks this is not just a problem for your age group lol

Millie said...

Oh my gosh. That is a great example. (I would have put more examples in my post, but I was too tired).


DKoren said...

I love this post! And here I was about to say I have successfully avoided falling in love with psychopathic serial killers. Oh, there's definitely quite a few bad guys I'm in love with, but they tend to be flawed and not in serial-killing-ways. They tend to be good guys who've slipped a bit (Ralph Meeker in Naked Spur, ahem, Arthur Kennedy in... most things, LOL!). But then, I realized, woops, would you look at that... I do have a serial killer on my list. But I wouldn't call him psychopathic... more sociopathic... nah, just tragic! (Misunderstood, I tell ya! He's just practicing...)

So, your warning is a wee bit late, my friend. Too late, for me, too late! Two weeks too late, as a matter of fact. Not even... Just twelve days ago exactly, I fell in love with the demon barber of Fleet Street, aka Benjamin Barker aka Sweeney Todd (as portrayed by Johnny Depp).

Sigh. Am I lost forever now?

Kalli said...

I am guilty of falling for the fictional psychopath. I'm mainly concerned about my attraction to Tate Langdon in American Horror Story, same with Uncle Charlie in Shadow of a Doubt. It must be because of the actors who play them.

Hamlette said...

Hmm. I'm in love with Sirius Black, but he's not actually a mass murderer, he just was wrongly convicted of being a mass murderer. Not sure I love any serial killers... well, I'm in love with Angel (from BtVS & Angel), and he used to be a serial killer, but he's reformed. Not the same thing. Right?

Raquel Stecher said...

LOL! I'd probably fall for Richard Armitage in anything regardless if he were psycho or not.

This post is hilarious. I think I have been won over by a few psycho fictional characters but I can't think of any at this moment. There is a bit of an allure. Death wish perhaps?


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